Everyone has been there, you meet someone, fall in love, and boom something happens and it is over. The initial shock of the relationship not working out is so difficult, and then their is the emotional turmoil that goes with a breakup, both make breakups difficult but not impossible to get over. Disappointments in life will happen, that is a given, the question is not that these disappointments will happen, it is how to get over them? Day by day, choice by choice, is my answer. It may sound over simplified but it really is the answer.
Breakups are hard, that is no doubt. However, most of the time if we are honest with ourselves we could see the writitng on the wall, we often just choose not to. I have had to experience my share of breakups, and I have helped clients and friends as they have walked through or away from someone whom they loved. Here are some of the tips I have learned from personal experience, and passed on to others. Though it may be difficult you can make it through, and move on to something or someone even better.
Forgive- Forgive yourself and the other person. Release the grudges, the anger and resentment. They are toxic emotions, that harm you more than the other person. Often your ex-partner has moved on, and you are stuck in the muck and mire of your past relationship. First forgive yourself for whatever part if any, that you may have contributed to the breakup and then move forward. Forgive the other peson, what ever happened, it is over. You deserve to go on with your life, and so does your ex. Forgiveness, is mostly for you, it allows you to start over with a clean slate.
Allow yourself time to feel the emotions- Don’t start looking for someone else immediately. Allow yourself time to feel all the emotions, and let them pass. Allow yourself adequate time to heal, take the time to learn from the experience and grow. The time it takes to recover is very personal and indivualized. However, it should not take years, if this is the case, seek professional help. In this healing time, process the emotions and nuture yourself. Take warm baths, pamper yourself, take walks, eat healthy, do something you truly enjoy each week. Spend time with friends and family that are supportive and uplifting.
Spend time in prayer and meditation- Prayer allowed me to get through divorce. Openly talking to God about all the feelings you are experiencing and spending time just listening to God is cathartic. Trust me, you will learned to process your emotions positively. God just showered me with mercy, and the power to forgive and relese all the negative emotions I was experiencing, he will do the same for you. Pray for the other person, pray for their success, and pray for your success. Journal, what you are hearing from God. Believe, that this is a process, a journey that you will get through, and you will be better, stronger, and wiser on the other side of this.
Discard the baggage from the relationship- Seek help if you need it, but forgive and make the decision to move on. Do not take the old baggage from this relationship into your life, dropping trash wherever you go. Get rid of old memories that are painful, pictures, letters, etc. This allows you to purge the past, so you can move forward.
Make the decision to move on. You can make the decision, to be bitter or better. When you make up your mind that you are going to move on, it will happen. The transition becomes smoother, make the decision to enjoy your life, to live again, and laugh again. Go out with friends, get back in the swing of life. When the time is right date again, make the decision to love again. Love with a open heart, know that you are loving and capable of recieving good love. Make the decision to be a loving, giving person, and that you will not allow anyone or anything to keep you from that.
Lastly live, live fully, blissfully, giving and recieving love, be open! Your life will be fully lived, if you forgive, and find the strength, which is within you to keep moving forward.