Living Your Life By Design

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In life, sometimes we learn by our mistakes, they bring  clarity for what we really want or don’t want in our lives. Living your life by design, involves choices, making choices that empower you to live the life you always dreamed of. What is it you really want in life, what is most important to you, how do you want to live? Then, take a moment just to visualize a day in the life of your dreams. What would you do, who would you talk to, how would it feel, look, smell. Using all your senses really experience a day in you dream life. So far, we have asked questions, and visualized our dream life. So what is holding you back from living your dream life.

1. Focus-You know what you want and don’t want, you know how you want live, love, and be treated. Anything that does not line up with your vision can be a hindrance. Start looking at your life as an observer, are you anywhere near where you want to be? If not take the first steps to living by design. Get clear, write down what you want, what is important to you, how do you want to work, live, love. Now, start, how do you start? With small steps, if you are not working your dream job, then make the changes to make it happen. Begin by researching, then take  the training you need. If you have the skill sets, apply for the jobs you desire. So this step involves , researching what you need to do to get where you want to go, and then taking the appropriate action to get there.

2. Define- Clearly stating your vision for your life. Define it in simple yet powerful statements. Living my best life , while empowering others to do the same, is my passion and desire. Doing the work I love, having a full life with great loving relationships is important to me. Living a life in which I can travel, have time to create, and spend time with God, are all requirements for my life. What is important to you say it, think it, write it, clarify it, make it plain. Define it, then structure your thoughts, breaking everything down in realistic action steps.

3. Goals- How will you accomplish your dream? What are realistic time frames for you to accomplish your desires? What are the needed steps to take to get to where you want to be. Start with the small steps first, then the bigger goals. What can you accomplish next week, in three months, in a year, 5 years? Write it down. I like to make quarterly plans, and do a week to week check list toward my goals quarterly (3 month plan).

4. Release- Release all that is no longer serving you. Whether it is thoughts or feeling, such as fear, guilt, envy, selfishness, doubt, or negativity. When these self-limiting beliefs or thoughts come into your mind replace them with truth. I can do this, I am capable, wise and creative, I am endowed with power from God to accomplish anything I put my mind to. Affirmations help by replacing limiting beliefs with empowering thoughts. Release, people places and things, that have become like heavy baggage, pack light! Release your excuses!

5. Just do it- count the cost, you can do the same thing and stay where you are or, you can make some changes to get where you need to be. Just do it, have faith, be truthful with yourself and will fall into place, and what you need will show up expect it, and just do it!

                                         Becoming One, Marriage is All About Sharing and Growing

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Marriage is great for stretching you, it facilitates growth for you and your spouse. It allows you to see the world through another persons eyes. I am recently married after almost 11 years of being single. It has opened my eyes, and I am growing both mentally and spiritually. Learning to share your world, with another person is not for the faint of heart. But even in this short period of time, I have grown so much. I know I have to be transparent, vulnerable, ready to talk things through, giving, yet loving, and accepting. Becoming one is an ongoing developmental process.

Marriage is first, the choice to stay, to fight for the relationship, it is the commitment to open yourself up to another person and for them to be open to you. It is the willingness to be vulnerable to another person. This can be very difficult, but it is a process. Being open and vulnerable does not mean you have to be a doormat. It does means that for the person you love, you are willing to look at your strengths and weaknesses, and smooth any sharp edges in order for the relationship to work. Marriage is all about loving unconditionally. Unconditional love,  develops from the ability to be open and vulnerable to your partner.

Open ongoing communication, is another key component to a good marriage. Along with communication is timing. Choosing the right time to bring up sensitive subjects, communicating with love and openness, are essential to the communication process.  Another key componet in marriage is the ability to fight fair, there will be disagreements in a marriage. However, learning to fight fair entails; knowing your partners weak spots, and not using this against them. Fighting fair is respecting your spouses feelings even when discussing heated issues. Even though you may be discussing heated issues, it is essential to remember having a healthy and loving relationship is one of your top priorities.

Ultimately marriage requires that you love your partner, for who they are, not for who you dreamed they would be. Our choices, and life experiences have shaped us into the person we are. This is the person you chose to commit to and love. We must remember they are first their own person and second your spouse. Couples should cultivate their own creativity and ingenuity, and still come together as a couple with that same creativity and ingenuity. Accepting your mate for who they are, and honoring everything that has made them into the person they are today. This is the making of a happy Union. Celebrate each other strengths, and be willing to work on your weaknesses. Never lose the special spark you have for your spouse. Never allow any other person to come near that special place in your heart reserved for your spouse. The commitment made to  your spouse, should not be compromised. It all boils down to the choice to keep that commitment. Loving your spouse, also entails, keeping healthy and having great sex as part of the relationship. Taking the steps to stay sexy, loving, and thrilling even in the bedroom, keeps a marriage fun and exciting. Put on the sexy nightgown, light some candles, do something a little different, let your imagination take both of you somewhere different.

Marriages are worth having and fighting for, cherish the love you share with each other. Love, laugh, and enjoy life with your spouse.

    

                                                       What’s A Mother to do!

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It’s been on Facebook, in the news, Twitter, and  radio talk shows. The mother chastising her son for participating in the riots. I have heard so many views on this. Though I may not agree with publicly shaming your child , this maybe my exception. As a black mother, I will do anything to keep my  child safe. So for me, if that meant I had to get him out of the street, and out of harms way, I like this mother may do it in an extreme way. Young men, do not always make the wisest decisions, just as you or I have not always made the wisest decisions in our lives.It sometimes takes a series of bad choices, for us to finally wake up and start making wiser choices. Unfortunately, for many young black men, their one bad choice can be fatal.

   So every now and then as a mother, grandmother, sister, and aunt, I have to stop writing fashion blogs, and self improvement blogs, to blogging about the pain in my heart. It’s the pain I share with every mother of a black child. Our men children, our future, they are not useless commodities, they are sons, brothers, husbands, and fathers. Each of us must use our voice in some way to say, ” Their lives matter”. We love them, we want to see them live long full lives, with their grandchildren around them. We do not want to see them lying dead in the streets. Stop the madness, police need sensitivity training,  with every life that is taken by a policeman, their should be a trial. A fair trial, and the victim, should not be on trial,  but the person who committed the murder.There should be public evidence for all to see. Young people are angry , because they feel frustrated, as if their lives mean nothing. Police Departments, have to accept responsibility for their relationship with the communities they serve. The riots are usually  a direct result of the frustration people feel about the way they are treated.  We all have to play our part in stopping the violence, by becoming aware, speaking against  violence.

standing for what is right, and teaching our children how to react to policemen. We have to teach our children to be wise in their choices. Our children must count the cost for each decision they make. They are being judged and convicted for the way they speak, dress, and live. It is a shame, that it has come to this but, it is so real. As a mother I am not above, pulling my son, grandson, nephew, cousin off the street if I thought  it would save his life! So before you judge this mom, either way, consider her fear and her plight. What would you do to keep your child safe?

It is not the most pleasant scene, not the best way to handle the situation, but I understand her frustration. The solution is teaching and grooming our sons before they get to this point. It’s educating them on how our forefathers demonstrated and protested. They won the right for us to sit at any restaurant, vote, be educated, and to be treated as men and women.The tragedy is that everyday we must continue the same fight. But not by vandalism, but by wise collective organization, and boycotting of a cities financial streams. It takes, organization, strategies, and leadership that has foresight. It is our responsibility to groom our young men, to keep them safe in the streets, but most of all to keep them alive.